Pinged

She was pinged by the guilt

Of wanting quiet and peace

She wanted some time 

So all the noise would cease

She was pinged by the pressure

To be entertained

By all the old stores and the games

 That once reigned her brain

The woman was far gone

And the girl didn't see

For all she wanted to do

Was sit and watch TV

But she was pinged by the look

On the old woman's face

And the memory of every

Long lost embrace

The woman was left 

In a mind that was lost

To all her old age

And she was paying cost

The old woman didn't get

That the girl was still hurt

But it didn't mean that the girl

Could ignore her like dirt

So the girl played the games

For she was pinged by the guilt

For she couldn't just leave 

The great love that she'd built

This is not a Christmas Poem

This is not a Christmas poem

This is not a gift from me to you

Instead it is a simple reminder

Of what we're supposed to do

This is a celebration

It means something different to all who see

But for me its a recollection

Of who I'm supposed to be

Maybe you can see this day 

As a day to sit and chat

Maybe you're lucky to be with who you love

You're lucky, remember that

Open presents and eat the pie

It's a day to enjoy what's here

Hold and make new memories

Before they leave and disappear

Today we will see the best in the world

Of the people surrounding this room 

We'll enjoy all of the company

And hopefully find the time to go too soon

For me, I celebrate a holiday

Build on not the presents, but God

And I'll sit with the people around the table

As we honor this day as we're awed

So you see, this is not a Christmas poem

This is my time to remember what I believe

I wish you a Merry Christmas

And that you find joy in what you recieve

 

 

Christmas Season

Presents and letters

Apples and pie

The holiday season

Together we lie

The reason forgotten

The stress is not

For its what brings us together

No matter who fought

The people are cheerful

With greed and snow

For everyone wants presents

And others they'll show

It starts in November

But doesn't end until reindeer fly

But don't worry now

It's back in July

The people are hopeful

But the truth is forgot

For why do we celebrate

If Jesus was not

It's the reason for the day

It's the point, its the reason

I love Christmas day

But I hate Christmas season

This Sick, Pained Old Brain

Lately, I've been very sick

In far too many ways

I try to show that something's wrong

But I have no words to say

Every thought of eating food 

Just ensures me that I'm sick

And every time I try to stand

My head cries with a constant tick

My body's breaking down

My head is slowing down my words

The days and the hours

Are just unsolved crosswords

Writing is a struggle

It's like I'm screaming just to breathe

The thought of pure happiness 

Cannot be conceived

I'm achy and quaky

With sweat on my face

I slowly reject

Any kind of embrace

Physical or mental

Either one is too much

So I try to ignore all

As I search for health I can clutch

I force on a smile

That makes me feel like I've drowned

Although no matter how I try

I realize I've frowned

This used to be normal

I thought I was fine

But now I am tortured 

With the thoughts from my mind

I'm stuck here in bed

Being sick is a pain

Oh I wish I could leave

This sick, pained old brain

Broken Light Bulb

I have a broken light bulb

It's stuck inside my head

It makes me into a nightmare

I don't know what I've said

It doesn't really like me 

It makes me scream and shout

I think I finally get my point across

But nothing did come out

I can't explain what is wrong

Because I, myself, do not know

All I have are my efforts

But there is nothing real to show

It flicks on and off,

Coming in like the tide

Not caring to tell me

When it plans to pass by

I'm trying to be strong

But its been broken now for weeks

And I'm just ready 

To get some real sleep

I guess it's getting better

But the truth: I do not know.

Is it really fading?
Or has my mind put on a show?

I've been told it's not the latter

But my head still feels like batter

And I want it to stop

This noise I can't explain

But I can feel the drain

Of every day I've felt it

No one really understands

Of how I feel and why I cry

Maybe, yes that must be why

No one holds my hand

I'm looking up to God

I know he sees me here

I feel him all around me 

But how am I to know

When he plans to show

Show me that this will end?

This light bulb comes and goes

All throughout the day

But when it wants to go on

I do not have a say

I try to explain the pain 

But it hurts in every way

Every word.  

Every noise.  

Every thought.

The Start

I went back to the start today
It scared me half to death
I didn't know I was coming
Until I drew in one sharp breath
It's amazing how for I've gone
But not that far at all
I've risen higher than ever before
But I've also had my deepest fall
When I saw the sign in the air
I saw it as a dare
Something there to mock me
Because it didn't really care

I saw this sign as a clue

That this chapter's nearly done

And now I need to turn the page

But remember all the fun

The start had more than one path to take

I need a different way

Maybe that is what that sign

Was really trying to say

This sign was a terror

Showing me how small my life has been

And every thing that I've managed to do

Can be stated with a pen

Blind Love

She told him "I'm sorry"

For he wanted a friend

To tell him just what to do 

To get back his girlfriend

She told him "I'll help you"

For he wanted her back

And if she couldn't be the girlfriend 

She'd watch him run the track

The track to his girlfriend

Not her, but you know

It's better to be sad 

Than to reap what you sow

She told him "I'll listen"

For he needed an ear 

While he fought for the girl 

He was convinced was dear

She told him "She left you"

"Does she want to look at your face?"

But he was just set on 

That loving embrace

She told him "I'm here"

For he needed a friend 

She was looking for more 

Than a tool to mend 

For he wanted his girlfriend

He was trying to keep

Something that was lost

In a whirlpool of deep

He was blinded by love

Only living in his head 

He was too blind to see

A better girlfriend instead

So she looked one last time 

And she kissed him goodbye 

In a way he'd never see

For he was too blind

She said "Well I'm tired"

For she wanted to sleep

And he lost the best thing

In a false love he couldn't keep

The Truth

If I were given a truth serum 

There's no telling what I would say

For I have far too many thoughts

That run through my head each day
Would the truth be what I thought
Or would it be even more
Am I aware of all my thoughts
Or is there more that I have stored