Lies and Truth

You tell the truth as stories

Mixing the truth and lies

It's amazing how much you, yourself believe

You can see it in your eyes

I wonder what would happen

If you stopped telling stories everyday

Would you still see truth and lies

In that very same way?

I think your head is happy 

As you disguise the messy truth

As stories in your head

Only pleasing to the youth

But if you sat down with me

Both of us would agree

That there's much more to you

Than what you tell in your stories

Invincibility

I feel I am invincible

To the thought of turning back

I feel I am invincible 

To another emotion clothed in black

My mood is higher than it's been in months

It's rising higher everyday

Right now it feels that I will forever be happy

No matter what the world has to say

But I know I'm not invincible 

I know my mind is rising too high

I say this with full honesty

And also with a full sigh

But today I am invincible

And invincible I hope to stay

I know it won't last forever

But perhaps for one more day

I like the peace that comes to me

As I sit here feeling free

I like the final internal peace

As I finally feel like me

I want to write this feeling down

So I remember who I am 

On days I curl into a ball

And fell like worthless email spam

Today I am invincible

I can be whoever I wish

I can dance to whatever I want

Or learn to bake a dish

People are people

Not rocks in the road

To my safe, secure home

And my favorite TV show

Maybe I'll get back here again

To this place of invincibility

Maybe then I wouldn't need to write

To think with flexibility

But that's a problem for another day

Today there's no problem in sight

My only fear is when I fall down from here

Will I find a way to be alright?

The Secret Life of a Secret Girl

And at age 10 she was the best

At learning what she shouldn't

And keeping those facts all to herself

Even when others wouldn't

And in grade 3 the had taught herself

How to make her mouth stay closed

Because she had the world to say

But not all wanted her world disclosed

So by the time she got to middle school

She'd learned what to keep in her mind

The ones like her who kept their mouths shut

Had far much more to find

She decided that she wouldn't share

Unless she knew how one would react

Practice with this made her sure

And she made herself a pact

So when it came time for a boyfriend

She didn't know what people would say

So she never did tell anyone

A couple figured it out anyway

And when her boyfriend left her

She knew a broken heart

But no one was there to pick her up

Cause she didn't tell anyone from the start
She lived a life of secrets
The ones that she chose to keep
People said that she could not lie
But if they knew the truth, they'd weep
Her life became a question
Not of what secrets lie
But what on earth she would ever do
If someone realized her confines

A Letter To The Lost

And I'm so mad at you.
I shouldn't be mad but I can't help it
You wanted to die
And I'm stuck in the middle of it
I was part of that wish to die
I was part of the problem that had you in that office
I was part of the reason that you had to leave the social centre
Because you were a threat to yourself and every one else.
All I wanted was for us to be happy
Maybe not together
But that is ok.
I'm so mad
Because you are not the you that I know
I see you and we talk
You're ok
I'm ok
But not really
Because you are dealing with real problems that are screwing your life
You are in places that even I don't know
But I know that it's real

Do you?

Because when you think that I'm not looking
You're talking to yourself
You are screaming to yourself
And it's not the normal reminders of "do this later" or "oh yea, I forgot to say this"
No
It's you losing your mind
Its you not being ok
It's you
Being the person that I don't know

And for a while, I thought that you were mad at me
Then I thought that we were ok
But we were never ok.
Not even before I asked for space
Not even before we went on those "dates"
You sat there at the social centre
And you listened to conversations that never happened
You lived based off of words that were never said
You saw things that were not real
And told them to other people

I feel like an idiot because people saw it
They saw that you hadn't let me go
They saw that you thought I said things
They saw what happened to you because of me
But I didn't
I walked around that school in my own little hell
Because you told boys not to talk to me
And you made a scene that I didn't know I was involved in

It scares me now to go back to the social centre because of it
How many people did this touch?
How many people did you touch?
What do people think of me because of what you did?

And it's not fair of me.
I am sorry.
But you yourself did point out that life is not fair
I get that this is not your choice.
It's a brain issue not an attitude issue
But I still get mad

I'm scared.
You threatened your life once
What's going to stop you from doing it again?
What's going to stop you from going through?
What is keeping you alive?
On the outside you seem fine
But you also seemed fine three months ago
When they sent you home because of your threats

I am terrified of losing you
It's one of my greatest fears
And when I talk about you I never say it
Because we only talk about what you've done
We only mention the boundaries you have already crossed
Not the ones that may be to come
I won't say my fear out loud because if I do,
It would make it real
And I can't have that.

Wow, this is really a mess
I don't know what to do

"We're all lonely here

And I think that that is sad"

She said to me so hopelessly

After the experience she'd had

I wanted to grab her hand

And tell her she was not right

Because just because you feel alone

Doesn't mean that you feel lonely at night