Circles

We walk in circles

Same pattern each day

We learn what to do

And just what to say

When things shake us up

We say that we're fine

But really now,

We're far from divine

People say "It gets better"

And that "You'll see the end"

They tell us what we want to hear

And fake messages they send

We fight and fight

And plea to God

We pretend to hear answers

So we sit there and nod

 We  know he's there

But in that moment of despair

It's hard to hear anything

While you sit there

Pain is hard

Pain is tough

It disrupts our circles

And makes us puff

In the end

All will cease

But your trust in the Lord

Will earn your feast

My Stolen Soul

You left me with a scar on my heart

Of where I had cut you out

There was a scar somewhere else

It was my mind no doubt

You showed me parts of your soul

And I showed you parts of mine

But I'm left with parts of your soul

And what I was able to find

You left me and took part of my soul

And I don't want it back

Keep it with you wherever you go

Hang it up on a rack

The part of my soul that you took

Contained who I used to be

When you left I had to rebuild

Into what I call me

You took the part that lived with trust

That looked for the truth in you

You took the part that knew how to fall

And now I don't know what to do

You took the part that was willing to love

The part that wasn't scared

The one who was ok with putting themselves all in

But now that feeling isn't there

You took the part that knew how to flirt

The part that knew how to not get mad

You took the romantic part of me

But not the part that makes me sad

You, however, did not take

The part that cannot resist you

The part that smiles every time that you text

The part that lives in blue

You did not take the part from me

That had fallen in love

I wish that you had taken that from me

And kept the feeling of

The feeling of who we were

For I know you want that back

But all I want is to forget

And to stuff it in a pack

You stole parts of my soul

That I miss but do not need

And the one thing I'd hoped you'd take

You didn't, I can't believe

So all in all like all the others

This is a poem to tell you still

I miss you like ever before

But I need to let those torn parts of my soul fill

Dry

I don't want to talk about myself

I don't want to watch TV

I can't focus on anything right now

That, I can really see

I don't want to scream and shout

For some reason I want to cry

For I think that I've screwed myself over

But I don't know how or why

I am scared to fall in love

Because that means right now

Will be left in the past

And even if I manage to fall in love

I know it will never last

But so what, if it ends

At least I did have fun

But then you see I will have lost more

And away I'll be forced to run

Maybe if I fall in love again

I'll forget that I am scared

And I'll be able to move along

And forget what I've prepared

I don't know what to do

Or what I feel right now

I feel that I am empty inside

But I'll get through this somehow

I hate that I'm complaining 

I'm just out of things to say

And I am scared that if I stop

Then the feeling won't go away

They say there's no rest for the wicked

But what about the ones who cannot shut off their heads

We never hear about us folks

As we cry for sleep in our beds

I wish that for just one single day

I fell asleep at 10 o'clock

Then I wouldn't feel quite so useless

When it comes to picking this lock

Grief only gets better with time

I know I'm switching up my thoughts

But I just remembered there is still more to do 

Before I can release my stress from its knots

I wish that I could quit my life

And sail the ocean blue

But I just remembered that I hate the ocean

It's not quite worth the view

I hate the sound that a door can make

When it shuts and scares me down

You can almost imagine the door

With the door closer's frown

I don't know how to end this

So I'll end it with goodbye

I don't know what to name this poem

So I guess I'll call it dry

And in time this will go away

At least I hope that's true

For if not, then I am scared

There's no telling what you would do

Please don't take offense to this

I don't mean to scare you too

But just don't know what to say

There's no telling what you would do

My Memory and I Took A Walk Pt.2

My memory and I took another walk

But this time we walked alone

No one was there to remind me of the past

Or to call me back home

But on this walk with my memory

We saw my town anew

I looked at the places that I'd been

But this time I saw things askew

For the first time, with my memory

I saw these places as my past

For the first time with my memory

I saw how short it really did last

I saw the place I first felt at home

Outside of the four walls I call my room

And then I saw the place that I 

Had enjoyed in a 50s costume

I saw the place that made me cry

For my boyfriend had gone away

And the place where I wanted to stay forever

Before my feelings started to sway

I saw the place that broke my heart

For I had broken his

I saw a place I still want to go back to

Even if I had to retake every quiz

I saw the places where things had changed

Where the old parts of me had died

The places that made me who I am

The places in which I've cried

My memory and I took a walk

But this time everything was the end

It was not something coming back to me

But places that are now being penned

Places that are no longer mine

I cannot get them back

They are stuck in the past

In the shadow of the black
So now I can move on
And start another chapter
God has showed me with this walk
That I can be happy after
The past I walked away from
Is a happy memory in my head
But I will be even happier
Letting go and living instead

My Memory and I Took A Walk

The pills lie in the back of my throat

Most went down but not all

The few bits that remained remind me of what I've done

How I've been left in this place to fall

My mind is racing with memories

Of yesterday

Last week

Last fall

They are storming back 

Telling me that I can't succeed

Telling me stories of how I have failed

And I will never get what I need

The pills are a reminder that I am in pain

That I need them to free my mind

They remind me that I've left myself in a place

That is isolated, no on else can find

My past met me on Thursday

It said hey

We need to talk

And I agreed, stupidly

And my memory and I took a walk

We traveled back to a year ago

I met some people I'd learned to leave

And each one said in there own unique way

What they needed from me

I don't know why God sent them

To tell me "this is the past"?

For to me it was nothing but a blow to my head

Conducted in one short blast

I'm not sure if my walk with my memory 

Is over or taking a pause

Maybe my memory knows that I need a short break

So that it fulfills its cause 

I've seen people who have learned to adapt

And people who cannot let go

I've seen the ones who have found a way to be happy

And others so sad you would think they were on death row

Two are convinced that there is no one left:

One convinced the world is hell

The other convinced that people have turned against them

And those people are otherwise swell

Both are wrong, however

They are trapped in their unhappy minds

Trapped in a world they have created themselves

And have been left in, to their own confines

I realize that there is more to see

I am not done with this walk

My memory and I must still visit the past

So I can erase it away like chalk

So to top off my walk with my memories

I've been greeted by pain in my head

Something that demands me to take the pill

That keep my aching for sleep in my bed

Seven Syllables of A Story 5

Your stories are just wishes

 

I Am My Flaws

You asked me who I was

And I've decided:

I am my flaws

I am the item that is scratched by a cat

But I have still learned to love the claws

I am the person who fell off a scooter

And there is now a scar to see

For I would not be myself without that scar

I simply would not be me

I am the person who falls for the lies

Feeling special because of the work

Honesty may be the better thing

But my interests are just an odd quirk

I am the person who is stubborn to the nail

Your idea's not right if I don't agree

I've been told that this character is not a good thing

But that character makes me be me

I am the person who hides in the bathroom 

Who never gets up the courage to leave

I may need to get better at facing my fears

But that's not something I want to achieve
I am the person who cries everyday
And I do not care
I know most people believe crying is weak
But I don't want my mindset there
I am the person who shuts myself in
You don't know what is wrong till it's fixed
For I work things out on my own
And other people just make feelings mixed
I am a person who falls way too fast
But that is how I love
 I am the person who decides things in an instant
And the decisions fit like a glove
I am the person who knows what they want
If you don't like it, too bad
For I know who I am
Even though I'm not always glad 
I am the person before you
Flawed and happy and I
For I am special because of my flaws
And I will be until I die

Post Midnight Fright

It's the feeling that in three months from now

She'll have burned every bridge

And the ones she can manage to rebuild

Will be torn apart from the hinge

The feeling that at this time

People only know her name

And the feeling that in three more months

This still will be the same

The feeling that no one is there

At one in the morning

When insomnia has plagued her mind

And her head is screaming out a warning

The feeling of a panic attack

When no one is there to help

And the tears flow unlike her breath

As she gasps for air with a yelp

Her breath has been taken away

And all that is left is fear

For no one knows what's behind her door

Or holds her current feelings dear
It's the feeling of not know
If her lungs can go on
How many panic attacks can they go through?
It's not like they respawn

It's the feeling that when she wakes up

She will feel fine again

And everything she feels right now

Will become something that has been

But right now this is too strong for her

The world is way too much

All her emotions play her mind

And control is out of clutch

Every tear is another word

That adds to the list

Of things that are wrong with the world

And why they will always persist

It's the feeling that finding sleep

Is a lie told by the dead

But it is not her bed's fault

That it cannot please her head

It's the feeling that she is nothing more

Than the thoughts she thinks right now

And she will struggle to change her thoughts

Even if it is her final vow

It's the feeling that no matter where the lights are

They manage to find her eyes

So that she may never sleep

Any rest to her is a surprise

It's the feeling that she will never escape

And she will be stuck in this town

But she won't be with her too few friends

For they will ignore her every sound
 It's the feeling of the entire house
As she hears the soft breathing in the rooms
Reminding her that she the only one awake
And that she must get up soon
It's the feeling of the realization
That this is her entire life
Simple and lonely and harsh and cold
She will never become a wife

Insomnia and the girl

The same as every night

The feelings that scare her from reality

The feeling of post midnight fright

Of course she thinks this is all real

But it's made up by her bleary head

That's what you get as an insomniac

Lying awake in a bed